i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
