she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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