I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
