I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
