Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
