Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
