do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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