I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you would pick up someone in the library
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
