I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
