what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
