It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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