i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
