I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
