I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
