my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
