Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
