I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
