Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
