I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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