Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
