is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
