he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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