I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
