he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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