6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
