omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
