I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
