If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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