the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
