so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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