I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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