It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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