I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
