Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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