You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
