A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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