time to smoke my breakfast
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
