I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
