no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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