While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
