i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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