so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
