can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
