She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
