Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
