Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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