Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
