Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
