Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
