Don't you send me to vm
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize