i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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