If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She bit a glass in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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