Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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