I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
