he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
