Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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