I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
