I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
