they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
