This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
