Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
