i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
