Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
