Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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