im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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