the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's like iHOP with fire
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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