let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
