I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
