Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
