So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I will be naked everywhere
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
