if i can run in heels then i can drive
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
