i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
