Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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