3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
