I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
