Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize