Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
