ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
