i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Be still, my beating vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize