I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
