My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
