I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why do cheetos always look like penises
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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