Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize