this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I AM VODKA MAN
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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