i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
