I wanna bring you to show and tell
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
