Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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