Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
