the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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