I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
